So continuing along my Christmas themed stories, I thought that I would change it up a little and address another side of Christmas that sometimes isn't all that positive.
That is returning home for the holidays, now I know there have been plenty of movies about this where the main character feels so much anxiety about returning home because of an old flame, only for them to get back together and live happily ever after. We have all watched those movies.
However I wanted to talk to you about returning home a mid twenties single gal. So if you are in the same boat please grab an oar and let's move this along.
Returning home has always been such a dread for me for a couple reasons:
One: I love spending every moment possible with my family and I hate having that anxiety when I am trying to be with them.
Two: The whole small town mindedness of "there couldn't possibly be anything bigger or better to achieve out in the world then what could be achieved here".
And.
Three: Oh this one is my favourite. The looks; the judgemental looks, the side eyes, the are you really home looks, the we used to be really good friends and now nothing looks and most importantly please don't say hello to me and I won't say hello to you look.
These three are massive holiday triggers for me personally and I just hate how they can affect my mood and day so much. So I understand when you have even bigger triggers that can really bring you down.
However that is where this blog comes in.
Side note: on a personal level my anxiety is quite minor now, I used to suffer terribly from anxiety attacks however I have found the older and more comfortable I have gotten with myself the smaller the static's and triggers have become. Even so I never would belittle anyone's anxiety triggers or feelings no matter how big or small and I really just wanted to set a list of all mind stances that I will be taking these holidays.
So listed above is my trigger list and now listed below is how I deal with it.
1. I never go alone.
When I have returned home or am going to any 'small town environment' I never go alone. I always go with my mum or family members, to the shops or out to dinner or anything that involves running into other people. This is mainly to avoid the hellos that come at me from people I don't even know anymore and what's worse most of the time I don't even recognise them.
2. Defeat a look with a hello.
I always think that as soon as I see a side eye, I should make it my mission to put myself in a position where I have to say hello to them. Don't play down at there level and side eyes back, you've grown, you've changed, your experienced your life and they have experienced theirs. Just because they don't agree with what you've done doesn't mean that you feel the same. Say hello be the bigger person.
3. Keep doing you, ignore the judgement.
Now this one is hard because I understand that this can be a massive trigger for almost anyone at any time in their life. So I am mainly relating it to me personally and I understand if this just isn't enough for you to overcome this trigger. So for me personally whenever I have been returning home I always find that if I do happen to have a conversation with someone that as I like to put it 'isn't in my corner', the conversation always turns to the classic conversation of "oh".
"Oh I would never do that. "
"Oh you're so brave to step out of your comfort zone. "
"Oh that's nice for you."
"Oh well I have been doing this."
These "ohs" always come at a time in the conversation where the person is unable to relate to what you have been saying and feels threatened by what you have done. This may feel like judgement on there part of the story but it comes from a place of insecurity and what I like to call 'small town mindedness'. If you have enjoyed your life living away from your small town whether it be travelling or exploring or working part time to try and fulfil a side hustle then you need to continue doing what you do that makes you happy no matter what their mind thinks. Don't allow there judgment to affect the way you live your life.
You moved away for a reason and they stayed for a reason. You're happy with your life and just hope that they are happy living theirs.
I always think it is best to leave these conversation with it saying more about them then about you and just to remember:
I am happy.
I always find that if I am off talking about things that I have enjoyed like travelling and or working that they can not too it always seems to turn into either a conversation of judgement "Oh I would never do that" or a conversation of jealousy "oh well I've been doing this". Whereas for me personally I am glad that you have been doing whatever it is that makes you happy, I really hope it does because for me where I am living my life and how I am living it.
I am happy.
P.S For a list of banging Christmas movies about Christmas love here is my top 3
Love Actually
The Holiday
Elf
P.P.S For a list of the best Christmas movies full stop here is my top 4
Eloise at Christmastime
Christmas with the Kranks
Shrek the Halls
The Polar Express
Mickeys Once Upon a Christmas
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